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| Domestic Violence |
Domestic Violence is the most common form of violence and the most under-reported crime. It occurs in families of all religions, educational levels, races, and income groups. The violence can take the form of physical or sexual assault, verbal abuse, or emotional/mental cruelty. Battering is the single largest cause of death to women.
Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used by an abuser to control the behavior and life of the victim. Abusive partners are often very jealous and go to extremes to maintain control. Abusers might call a partner frequently at work, insist on knowing a partner's whereabouts every second, and insist, "I can't live without you." A pattern of controlling behavior and use of violence are signs of abuse that will probably escalate over time.
Children living in homes in which there is domestic violence are generally more affected by these dynamics than people realize. Even if they don't experience or witness the actual violence, they are most often still affected by it.
How Do You Know if You Are Being Abused?
Abusers will isolate, intimidate and control their partners in many different ways. It starts insidiously and can be very difficult to recognize. At first, your partner may seem very attentive, generous and protective in ways that might later turn out to be frightening and controlling. Initially the abuse may be isolated incidents for which your partner expresses remorse and promises never to do again or rationalizes as being due to stress or caused by something you did or didn’t do.
Early Signs of Abuse:
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Quick whirlwind romance
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Wanting to be with you all the time; tracking what you do and who you might be with
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Jealousy at any perceived attention to or from others
- Attempts to isolate you in the guise of loving behavior (Criticizing friends/family for not caring about you; keeping you from work/school saying “you don’t need to go I will take care of you”).
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Blame shifting
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Hypersensitivity to perceived slights
- Pressures you into doing things that make you uncomfortable (If you really love me, you’ll do this for me)
How Common is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is the single largest cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44 in the United States, more than muggings, car accidents, and rapes combined. Each year between 2 million and 4 million women are battered, and 2,000 of these will die of their injuries.
In the US alone, a woman is raped every 6 seconds and a woman is battered every 15 seconds. In 2003 in Virginia, an intimate partner killed 50% of all adult female homicide victims and 3.7% of all adult male homicide victims. There were 57 people murdered in intimate partner homicides. Of those victims, 4 out of 5 were female.
Most statistics site the prevalence of the fact that most intimate partner violence victims are female. However, this is not to say that victimization is exclusive only to women. Men are also battered and assaulted in domestic and intimate relations and the consequences for these male victims are just as devastating as for a woman.
Domestic Violence Victim Safety Plan
Do as many of the following as possible, but remember your safety is first:
- Plan for a quick escape. Know where to go and how to get there. Think this through NOW, before an attack. Consider going to a domestic violence shelter, the home of family member or with a friend, or to a public place such as a library, hospital, shopping center, police or fire station - if need be.
- If you are about to be assaulted, stay out of rooms where there are weapons such as guns or knives. Do not try to threaten your abuser with a weapon; it can be turned against you.
- Keep a list of telephone numbers of family, friends, doctors, safe shelter, etc.
- Gather important documents such as the following:
- Birth Certificates
- passports
- social security numbers
- copies of protective orders or records of the abuser's prior convictions
- marriage license
- insurance information
- children's school and immunization records
- bank account information
- any other information you feel is necessary
- Put aside emergency money, extra car keys, and extra clothing for you and your children.
- Talk to people you trust and let them know about the violence you are experiencing.
Trust yourself and your decisions. You know best how to stay safe.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, sexual assault or stalking, call 1-800-22Haven. Our hotline operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. As with all of The Haven’s services, all calls are confidential and free. |
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