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| Teen Dating Violence |
Are you or is someone you know in an abusive dating relationship. Statistics say it is very likely. What is Teen Dating Violence? How can you know? What can you do?
What is Teen Dating Violence?
When one partner in a dating relationship exercises power and control over the other partner by threatening or actually practicing violence, the relationship is unhealthy for both partners and could possibly be dangerous. Physical abuse is not the only way an abusive partner holds power and control in a relationship. Verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse are often present in an unhealthy dating relationship.
How can you know?
Is your boyfriend or girlfriend extremely jealous of your relationships with others?
Jealousy – One of the biggest signs of a potentially abusive relationship - is when even very early in a relationship one partner gets extremely jealous when the other partner talks to other individuals. While jealousy may seem romantic, extreme jealousy is not healthy at all.
Does your boyfriend or girlfriend try to keep you from continuing your relationships with friends?
Does your boyfriend or girlfriend encourage you to disobey the rules of your family?
Does your boyfriend or girlfriend discourage you from doing any of the activities that you did and enjoyed before you started dating?
Isolation - When one partner encourages the other to avoid friends and activities that were once an important part of the other partner’s life, or encourages doing things that interfere with family relationships, this isolation makes it easier to have power and control.
Does your boyfriend or girlfriend refuse to listen to your opinions or never take you seriously when you express yourself?
Does your boyfriend or girlfriend make all the decisions regarding your relationship?
Disrespect - A form of emotional abuse, failing to respect a dating partner’s feelings, opinions and desires destroys the partner’s self esteem.
Does your boyfriend or girlfriend yell at you, swear at you, or try to make you feel guilty?
Does your boyfriend or girlfriend say degrading things about you to others?
Verbal Abuse - This abuse, like disrespect, destroys a dating partner’s self-esteem and makes the partner feel bad.
Does your partner threaten or use physical violence of any kind?
Physical abuse - Physical abuse can take many forms beyond hitting someone. It can include pushing, shoving, slapping, kicking, biting, and hair-pulling. The point of physical abuse is obvious - power and control through intimidation.
Does your partner pressure you, even early in the relationship, to make the relationship serious?
Does your partner pressure you to have sex?
Sexual Abuse - Forced or unwanted sexual activity or rape are part of sexual abuse. It is also sexual abuse when one dating partner coerces or pressures the other partner to engage in sexual activity or tries to engage in sexual activity when the partner is under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
Does your boyfriend or girlfriend abuse drugs or alcohol?
While the use of drugs or alcohol does not make someone become violent, it is often used as an excuse for inappropriate behaviors.
Has your boyfriend or girlfriend been in a relationship in which he or she was abusive before?
Does your boyfriend find the use of abuse by others acceptable?
If someone has been abusive in other relationships, there is no reason to believe that a new relationship will be any different if the abusive partner has not sought help for his or her issues with power and control.
Does your relationship ever feel uncomfortable, scary, or tense?
Are you constantly worried about upsetting your partner?
A healthy relationship should not make you uncomfortable or scared. A healthy relationship should leave room for you to be yourself and continue doing the things that you enjoy. A healthy relationship should enhance your life, not take it over.
What can you do?
If you feel that you are in an unhealthy relationship take the following steps:
1. Realize it is not your fault. - No one deserves to be abused. Abusive dating partners are not abusive because of anything you have done, but because of their own issues with power and control.
2. Get Help - Identify someone you trust, preferably an adult, a teacher, a parent, someone from your church, or a friend. Tell this person what is going on.
3. Call a domestic violence hotline such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE or The Haven’s hotline at 1-800-22-HAVEN. You can call these confidential hotlines anonymously, and trained hotline workers can help you develop a safety plan, discuss options, and refer you to other sources of help.
If you have a friend who you fear is in an abusive relationship, here are some other signs to look for:
Has your friend become distant, spending less time with you and other friends than before the relationship?
Has your friend become less involved in the activities that she or he once enjoyed?
Are your friend’s grades dropping?
Has your friend’s outward appearance such as make up or clothing changed?
Does your friend appear to be less self-confident than before?
Has your friend begun using drugs or alcohol?
How to Help a Friend
You may try approaching the friend and asking some non-threatening questions such as “Is something bothering you? You don’t seem like yourself.” If your friend is willing to talk about it at that time, listen carefully and avoid making any judgments. Let your friend know that it is not his or her fault. Avoid saying anything negative about your friend’s dating partner; this may make your friend defend the partner and discourage openness with you.
If a friend wants help, don’t try to help her or him yourself. Encourage your friend to follow the steps above to find help.
If you believe your friend is in serious danger and is not seeking help, find an adult that you trust and tell them about the situation as soon as possible so that they can help come up with options for your friend.
Are you being abusive to a dating partner?
Know that no one deserves to be abused. You are choosing to be abusive and, with help, you can learn to choose not to abuse. Find that help now by calling one of the hotlines listed above. It is never OK to hurt someone else emotionally, verbally, physically, or sexually. Physical and sexual violence are illegal and punishable. |
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